All in the Akatsuki
by Schizophrenic-Brat
Summary: random random random XD 100 crack Rated M for Hidan's mouth and some words.
1. Kizu

Disclaimer: I dont own any Naruto characters, but my friends owns herself! aka. Kizu

I be Tobi and Hidan

Kizu being herself, Deidara, Zetsu, Itachi

Kizu: -picks up phone and dials Tobi's number-

Sasuke: -picks his cell phone-

Kizu: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOBBBSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!! Oh-oh shit. Sorry wrong number! -hangs up-

-dials TOBI'S number-

Tobi: Helloo.??? -picks up his phone-

Kizu: TESTICLES!!!!! 3

Tobi: Wha-wha-what?????

Kizu: BALLZ!!!

Tobi: WHAT IN THE NAME OF PIZZA???? KIZU!!!!

Kizu: cough cough I meant.. How's manwoman? Has he/she reached his/her menstrual cycle yet?

Tobi: Oh, you mean Deidara-Senpai?

Kizu: No I mean the king of monkey testicles.. OF COURSE I'm talking about Dei-chan!

Tobi: Whats a menesicalax cickle?

Kizu: Tobi tobi tobi... A menstrual cycle is when a girl starts biting off people's heads for no apparent reason at all and starts having cramps in her stomache as if she's gonna die:)

Tobi: Well... Senpai blows people up and tries to blow me up for no reason, so yes,, I guess he has. D

Kizu: (O O) THE TIME HAS COME!!!!!! I'LL BE RIGHT OVER!!! -hangs up on Tobi-

Tobi: Uhh... ookkay... -puts his phone away and stands motionless-

Kizu: Tobiiiii!!! How's my best bud?? -hugs Tobi- PENISS!!! cough cough Where's Sempai?

Tobi: I donno... but I have a question...

Kizu: What is it?

Tobi: -looks at Kizu with his one eye, and tilts his head to one side slightly- Has Tobi been a good boy...?

Deidara: -stomps out the front door with nothing but a towel on- YOU FUTHERMUCKER!! YOU USED MY SHAMPOO!!! I'M ALMOST OUT!!

Tobi: -looks at his half naked Senpai and blushes slightly:- What??? The flowery smelling one? -Tobi holds back laughter then looks back at Kizu, still expecting an answer from his earlier question-

Deidara: No Tobi, the stuff that smells like Konan's ASS!! Yes, MY BERRY SMOOTHIE!!!

Kizu: -in small voice- What do you think Konan's ass DOES smell like, hmm..? -eyes Deidara suspiciously- He-loooo, Mr. Smexy.

Tobi: -looks at Deidara and notices him getting red with what looked to be blushing and anger- WAAA!!!! -Tobi jumps off of the stairs and takes off down the road, shouting- "DONT HURT TOBI!! TOBI IS A GOOD BOY!!!!"

Deidara: Like I would ever bother un.. Dumbass.. -stomps off back into the house-

Kizu: Now what is THIS treatment?!?! I aint done nothin'! ...I want some ramen!

Tobi: -Sneaks around to the back of the house, crawls on the roof, and angles himself so he is lined with Kizu He pounces off the roof, tackling Kizu shouting- "SNEAK-A-BOO NO JUTSU!!!"

Kizu: UUAAAHHH!! -pauses and snickers as Deidara's voice can be heard from inside the house-

Deidara: DAMN SONOFA MONKEY SCHMUCKIN'!!!!!

Kizu: Hehe.. He burned himself with the straightener..(ish completely oblivious to Tobi on top of her:))

Tobi: -Snuggles Kizu and gives her big hugs. Laughing all the same-

Kizu: Tobi is a good boy...I guess.

Deidara: Kizu! Would it kill ya to help me straighten my hair?!?! God! I swear un!

Hidan out of nowhere: Nowone curses his name except for me!!! PRAISE THE MUFFINZZ!!!!

Kizu: Well Ex CUSE ME, Mr. All People Must Bow Down to My Transvestite Sexiness! You hadn't ASKED The first time! -fangirl sences tingling, reallizing the oppertunity to be near Deidara, Kizu jumps up and trots inside-

Tobi: -Stares at Hidan, and walks over to him-

Hidan: Looks down at Tobi- What do you want? you swirly fuck?

Tobi: -holds his arms up toward Hidan, like a child wating to be picked up.- Hug?

Hidan: ... fuck you... -walks past Tobi, leaving him still in the arms up posistion. Practically froze in disheartedness-

Kizu: -has just finished straightening Deidara's hair- You know.. You're not supposed to burn YOURSELF. That's EMO SASUKE'S thing.

Deidara: It's not like I did it on purpose un.

Kizu: ...Have you been getting any pain in your lower abdomen lately?

Deidara: A little.. Why you ask such a stupid question?

Kizu: You have a really bad attitude problem too.

Deidara: I thought I was always like that.-gets theory in his head for Kizu's questions are all about- Just WHAT are you getting at..?

Kizu: I think you're on your period!

Deidara: HOW IN KAMISAMA's NAME IS THAT EVEN REMOTELY POSSIBLE?!?!?!?!!?!! That CAN'T be it!!

Kizu: (all smiles) Dunno

Kizu and Deidara: -Walk into the kitchen where Zetsu is making a sandwhich-

Tobi: -stares at the ground, talking to his dark self.(Madara)- **"He doesnt care..." **"Tobi likes PIE!!!!" **" Err... sigh wake me up when I'm needed." **"Sure thing."

Zetsu's White Side: Hi, wanna sammich?

Zetsu's Black side: Fggoff these'reminebitches!!

Tobi: -walks in and jumps on Zetsu's shoulders- HI ZETSU-SAN!!

Both of Zetsu's sides: Get offa me!!

Deidara: Honestly, Tobi, must you glomp everything that moves?

Tobi: umm,... Yes.

Deidara: -shrugs- I got nothin'...

Kizu: Sooooooooo..-five minutes later-.. Oooooooooooo

Tobi????? Why you sayin "Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo"

Kizu: -ish busy poking a very disturbed Dei-chan- Cuz I wanna

Tobi: -walks up to DeiDei ad moves his mask to the side, so only Dei can see his face and KISSES him-

Deidara!?!?!? The FUCK, TOBI?!?!! -tries to get horrible bubblegum taste out of his mouth-

Tobi: You were in lala land. -slides mask back on right- And you tried doing that a few days ago. But I was a sleepin...

Deidara: -glares at Tobi- NOT a word..! You said you wouldn't! -tackles Tobi to the ground knocking his mask off-

Hidan: -walks in through the front door just in time to see Deidara on top of Tobi in a... quite questioning position- What in Jashin-Sama's Name???? I didnt know you had it in you Dei Dei Chan... You really should convert.

Zetsu Both sides: -walk out of the room quite disturbed and mumbling to eachother-.

Deidara: -immediately jumps up and flips off Hidan- Oh fuck you! Why don't you just go decapitate yourself, Reaping Rapist!

Tobi: SEE KIZU-SAN!! DEIDARA SENPAI TRIED IT AGAIN!!!!!

Kizu: . . .O O Wow... Nyaaaaa!!! It really IS TRUE Deidara DOES have feelings for Tobi!!

Hidan: Woa... Holy fuckin Jashin Sama! You are a gay rapist!!!! You REALLY need to convert!!!!

Deidara: CONVERT TO THIS!!!!! -punches Hidan in the face but Hidan's head goes off flying, smacking Zetsu in the back of the head while he's trying to leave-.

Hidan: FFFFFUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK YYYYYYYYYYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tobi: Wow... -jumps up and hides behind Kizu, whimpering and giving the big puppy eye.-

Kizu: What do you want me to do about it?

Tobi: S-save meh!

Kizu: From who-- or better yet WHAT?

Tobi: From that blond MICHELE JACKSON!!!

Kizu: No...You...Didn't..!! -clasps hand over Tobi's mouth before he could start babbling incoherently again, Notices Deidara glaring daggers in their direction- Now you've done it..! -Silently sidles away, leaving Tobi to protect himself against the blond's wrath-

Tobi: -Tobi's knees shake and knock against eachother and he puts his hands in front of his face, as if trying shield himself from any blows he might recieve-

Deidara: (An EVIL MUTHAFUCKA D) TOBIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! -grabs him by the collar and is ready to strike Tobi right in the face-

Tobi: -quivers and shakes, whimpering and chibi crying. He moves his hands away to show a glistening, wide and fearful eye staring at Deidara, pleading for mercy.- D-dont hurt meh Senpai.. T-tobi is a good boy..

Deidara: Sempai knows Tobi is a good boy. -puts on innocent act-

Hidan: Holy fuck! I'm missing the god damn fight! Move my head over there you over grown sized plant! FUCK!

Zetsu's white side: Th-that's not very nice (

Zetsu's black side: Well FUHDAT! -swallows hidan's head in one gulp JASHIN BELCH- Mmmm.. -Is suddenly feeling sick and barfs, sending Hidan's head flying across the room again.-

-Hidan's Head Meraculaously lands back on Hidan's shoulders- Shit head...

Tobi: A-are, d-do you really mean it Senpai? -stares, his eye still wide and fearful-.

Deidara: Of COURSE. -still smiling innocently suddenly picks up Tobi bridal style, and is about to kiss him, but prolonging the moment-

Tobi: -thinks Deidara is about to kiss him and ponders- Why are you holding Tobi and are REALLY close??

Deidara: Because... I love you... -moves in for the kiss, eyes closed-

Tobi: S-senpai? Really??

Deidara: Yeah.

Tobi: Really Really?

Deidara: -eyes shoot open and a smirk plays across his face- Dream on, dumbass. -Drops Tobi on the ground and stomps off to his room-

Tobi: -sits and chibi cries-

Hidan: HA! Better luck next year you dumbass. Ahhnnn... I gotta go do a ritual. I'll need a virgin. Tobi, come on! -picks up his scyth and points it at Tobi.-

Kizu: -NINJA POOF- WAIT!!! Who said Tobi was a VIRGIN!! I've got some pretty naughty pics of him with Dei-chan! -holds up gay porno pics- They're really quite revealing... -holds photos at arms length-

Tobi: -stares at the pix and yells- MADARA!!!!!!!!!

Kizu: -allofasudden takes on a snake form and slithers away- You didn't see anything.

Hidan: Tobi still looks innocent. Come on, we'll just see if you are a virgin. And if your not, oh well. I'll be sure to get my kicks.

Tobi: But you get your kicks with all the dead people in the basement?

Hidan: But I need to start with a live one. And thats the second part of teh ritual, dumb-shit.

Tobi: -**his eyehole glows red, and the mengekyu sharingan forms.- Your fucked now, bitch.**

Kizu: -ANOTHER NINJA POOF- Hey hey hey. It's FAAT ALBERT! -runs into Itachi's room where many different streams of obscenities come soon after-

Itachi: GTFO, YOU RETARD!!!

Kizu: NUUUUUUZZ!!!!! -chibi sob, clinging to Itachi's legs-

Tobi: -**Looks into Hidan's eyes and Hidan's mind is sent to Tsukiyomi.- You will now suffer for 96 hours. **

Hidan: Ha! I love pain.

Tobi: **Hoho! But this is a different kind of pain. -raises his arms up and gospel music starts playing- **

Hidan: No, no, noo!!! THIS IS NOT MY GOD! JASHIN SAMA! HELP ME!!!

Tobi: -**Laughs evily time skip- **Tobi's back!!!!! -his sharingan fades away looks over at Hidan, who is on the floor KOed.-

Deidara: Soo.. Hidan dissed your alter ego, eh? -steps out from the doorway, arms folded-

Tobi: He did wha--? **He sure to fucking hell did! And you try any shit you'll get it too!**

Deidara: Back off, you damned Uchiha! I'm NOT in the mood! I was merely talking to your host. -stomps over to Tobi/Madara- So BUTT OUT!!

Tobi: -Tobi takes over and sends Madara back to the shadow realm(OOOOOO!!! YUGIOH!!!)- How is Senpai now?

Deidara: ...Never better! -cough- sarcasm -cough-

Tobi: Uhh... Senpai???

Deidara: Whaaaatt??

Tobi: Do you hate Tobi?

Deidara: -feeling the need to be honest for a change- Sometimes... But that happens with everyone. Havn't you ever hated someone for something they did- or been really mad?

Tobi: Umm... I get mad sometimes, but not for long.

Deidara: See, I knew you weren't that du-- DID YOU JUST SAY "I"?! -freaked out stance-

Tobi: Yeah, I did. -pushes mask to the side, showing half his face smiling-

Deidara: That's a first!

Tobi: Tobi is glad Senpai! -pushes mask back and glomps Deidara-

Deidara: -falls to the floor- ACK! -Looks up and notices Kizu in the farthest corner of the ceiling, getting ready to pounce on a spider- WHAT THE FRENCH, YOU STALKER?! -angery again, he picks up Tobi by the collar and gets ready to throw him at her-

Tobi: Senpai???

Deidara: Too late!! -Throws Tobi-

Tobi: -goes flying and knocks Kizu off the ceiling. They both come crashing down, Kizu on top-

Tobi: Senpai! -crawls from under Kizu, anime crying-

Hidan: -wakes up- WHAT IN THE NAME OF JASHIN SAMA THE MUFFIN KING WAS THAT?!?!?!

Deidara: I threw Tobi at Kizu because of her stalkful nature.

Hidan: Oh... well... fuck. -gets up and walks out of house- I need to get started on my ritual. See ya.

Kizu: -In a 'what the hell?!' voice- What the french, Toast?!?! You can't say fuck without saying WHAT it is!!!

Deidara: Stupid random bitch...-walks to the fridge-

Tobi: -stands up and brushes himself off.-

Deidara: -Had been examining the fridge looking for something and gets a very shocked expression- Where's my RUM!?!?!

END PART 1:D


	2. NOTICE!

SORRY!!!!!

I haven't been updating lately because 1) School is a bitch and 2) My friend hasn't been able to come over to play the rolls of Kiza, Deidara, Zetsu, ect.

But in the meantime, I'm now taking requests on stories that you guys want. Romance, Humor, Tradgety, ect... But plz make it akatsuki peeps, I'm not too good with the other Naruto characters. SO!!! PLEASE HANG IN THERE AND WE'LL GET CH.2 UP SOON!!!!

ARRIGATO!!! SUMIMASEN!!!!


End file.
